Excerpt from the Transcript of the June 1 Plenary Session

The Large Handlebar Bag: The motion reads as follows: "Ben, The Leader of the Expedition, having led us into a embarrassing failure on this day, June 1, 2010, whether through imbecilic action or near-criminal inaction, has lost the faith of the assembled Inventory and shall be removed as Trip Leader to be replaced by another member of the Expedition"

(various cheers and yells come from the crowd)

TLHB: So you see, we have here a crisis of confidence, a lack of leadership.  And we are gathered to install someone who will lead us into the muck no more!

(more cheers)

TLHB: Who can forget the vim and the vigour with which we all began the morning.  Who can forget the 5:00AM wake-up time and the energy we all poured into todays' goals.  100 miles!  Austria!  These were the oases on the horizon!  These were our collective dreams!  And these dreams have been snatched away from us.  It wasn't a twist of fate that stole them from us.  It wasn't bad luck that kept us from our destiny.  No.  It was a man.  And that man is Ben!

(catcalls and hisses are heard from the crowd)

The Leatherman Tool: String 'em up!

TLHB: Oh, Leatherman, you are of a different, ornier age.  And you have much reason to be upset, given that you are a finely-crafted multi-use tool and our so-called leader only uses you to smear his chocolate sauce or cut his precious luncheon meat.  No, we will not be stringing him up.  But we will be meting out the severest mode of justice that our by-laws allow.  I'm talking of course of Impeachment!

The Bike Lock: (translated from the German) He is without loyalty!  He leaves behind our brethren without the slightest hesitation!

TLHB: Yes, it is true that he disposed of the previous Bike Lock at a Tuttlingen bicycle establishment, due to the fact that he lost both of the keys for that lock.  And he had to buy you, a German model to make up for the loss.  On top of that, both the key and it's spare were on the same key ring!  It was a completely avoidable loss!  More testament to his incompetence!

The Bike Lock: (from the German) And let's not forget that he use me to lock up the Bicycle for two days in Regensburg...and left one of the keys in my keyhole the whole time!!!!

(gasps are heard from the audience)

TLHB: It is an act for such profound stupidity it shocks us all that we are subject to his whims.  But subject we are, unless we act now!

(cheers, then jeers, as Ben stands to address the gathered Inventory)

Ben: I understand you're all upset, as I am by the events of today.  I started off with every intention of completing 100 miles.  And for 50 miles, I gave it my all.  But when the rain wouldn't let up for four hours, and I was caught in that mud outside of Deggendorf, and my feet were numb, and my gloves were soaked-

The Gloves: Don't blame us, we were advertised as "water-resistant", not "water-proof", you asshole!

Ben: - and I just didn't see how it would be any fun to continue like that for another 4 hours.  Isn't it much nicer here in this hotel room?

The Wallet: As ranking opposition chairman of the Budget Committee, I formally object to the use of the Expedition's funds in this manner.

Ben: It's not the expedition's funds, it's my funds...

The Large Handlebar Bag: You see how he flaunts his authority!

Ben: Oh, take it easy.  We'll try the Century another day.

The Nutella: I will be long gone by then.

The Salami: As will I...

Ben: Yes...yes you will (eyes the salami menacingly), but let's not let that stop us from having a nice afternoon, ok?

The Bicycle Seat:  Please make the nightmare end...no more of the riding and the darkness and the dampness never ceasing...

Ben: Can we all just agree to relax for the rest of today, quit with the recriminations and see how we all feel in the morning?

(grumbles of begrudging consent are heard)

Ben: Good, that's that then.  I'm off for a beer....I'll see you all when I get back.

The Leatherman Tool: String 'em up!!!!